


Anytime At All

by FandomLifeTookMyHandAndSaidRUN



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Zombie Apocalypse, Carol is weak but we'll make her a warrior, Daryl is a father, Eventual Happy Ending, Good Brother Merle, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-02
Updated: 2015-07-22
Packaged: 2018-04-07 08:23:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4256298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FandomLifeTookMyHandAndSaidRUN/pseuds/FandomLifeTookMyHandAndSaidRUN
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU.  Rick is a widower with son Carl 13, and baby Judith 10 months.  Daryl is the father of a 3 year old little boy, Jasper.  Recently lost the mother of his child in a horrific car accident. Merle, tired of having to pick up the slack for his baby bro, forces him to attend a grief support group.  Morgan facilitates the meetings.  Carol, attends meetings when she can but is having difficulty with her teenage daughter and newfound freedoms. Rick pursues Daryl.</p><p>Carick? Rickyl? Carickyl?  Not sure where this story will end up, but let's have some fun!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I came across this pic on Tumblr, and a this fic was born...
> 
> http://jaboas-world.tumblr.com/post/66404988928/ladies-and-gentlemen-i-present-jasper-dixon

“I’m a drug addict, if I can get my shit together to help you and that baby boy out, then there ain’t no reason on God’s green earth why you can’t attend a meetin’ for one hour.  You’re supposed to do it for yerself, but dammit, brother…. You cain’t go on like this, do it for your son.  That little boy lost his momma, if you don’t try… he’s gonna lose his daddy too.”  Little Jasper Dixon clung to his uncle Merle tightly while they both stared down at his daddy.  Daryl was sitting in the recliner in the corner of the living room.  The floor littered with empty beer cans, and the ash tray next to him was full of cigarette butts.  The shades were drawn, and the TV droned on, some infomercial about knives.  He took a long drag from his cigarette, and as he exhaled, he nodded at Merle.  “Fine.  I’ll go.  But I ain’t doing none of that hand holding kumbaya shit.”

Merle let out a sigh of relief, “Ain’t like that bro.  You don’t even got to talk, ‘cept maybe say yer name.  You just… just listen.  That’s all.  Me and little Jazz here will check out the playground across the way.”

Daryl pulled himself up off the chair, and rifled through a basket of laundry and pulled on a sun bleached shirt.  He ran his fingers through his hair and declared himself ready to go.  Sitting in the front seat of the truck with Merle, he gazed out the window watching the corn and wheat fields pass by as they made their way into town.  He had the edge of his thumb between his teeth, biting down trying to figure out why he had agreed to letting Merle take him to a meeting.  It had been three months.   Three months since she left.  Three months since he had cracked a smile.  Three months since his world completely fell apart.

Three months ago Jasper’s momma was killed in a horrific car accident.  Jasper was uninjured, Daryl got away with a broken ankle, collar bone, and multiple contusions.  It took nearly an hour to extricate him from the vehicle, the entire time he lay there looking into the dead eyes of the woman that was to be his wife staring back at him.  

They had been best friends since grade school, in high school it became something more.  Michonne went away to college, but when she came back, they picked up right where they left off.  Several years later, when Daryl went to pick up Michonne for a date, he met her at the door only to find her in tears with a pregnancy test in hand.  Scared, with trembling hands she gave it to him.  Two pink lines.  He didn’t say anything at first, he just looked down at the piece of plastic in his hands.  Two pink lines.  Blinking fast, he took a couple steps back shaking his head.  When he finally looked up, he gasped.  “A… a baby?”  She nodded, he’d never forget that twinge of fear that he saw in her eyes.  She held her hand to her mouth covering it, she had been so afraid of how he’d react.  Daryl had come from an abusive background, and years before he had spouted off about how he’d never had kids, would never want someone subjected to the abuses he had to endure.  They had been careful.  She was on the pill, which she took religiously, but sometimes these things happened anyway.  And apparently, it happened to them.

“I gotta… I…. I need to sit down,” he had huffed, dropping to the ground.  Michonne carefully knelt down beside him.  

“Are you okay?” she asked.  Without hesitating, he responded, “Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”

She blinked, and he just stared at her, and then back at the test in his hand.

“I’m scared.”

“No shit, me to!”

“I didn’t do it on purpose,” she whispered.

“What?”

“I didn’t get pregnant on purpose, I swear it.  I know how you feel about kids, and…”

“Stop.  ‘chonne, it takes two to make a baby.”

“Yeah, but…”

“But nothing.”

It was a good few minutes before they spoke again.  Michonne had been terrified of Daryl’s reaction, or the potential reaction that she had expected.  Not this.  He wasn’t doing anything except staring at those two pink lines, the gears turning in his mind.

“You keepin’ it?” he asked.  He watched as her eyes filled with tears and one spilled over, she tried to be brave, and gave him a small smile.  “It’s your body, woman.  I cain’t tell you what to do with it.”

She sniffled, running her hands under her eyes.  “I want to keep it, but…”

“But what?”

“I don’t want to lose you…”

“Why would you lose me?”

“Because you said --”

“Because of something I said 5 years ago?  When I was drunk?  And a young, stupid, ignorant asshole?”

Michonne let out a sound that sounded something between a sob and a laugh.

“Baby, are you… when you saw these two lines, what went through your mind first?  Were you happy, or sad?”

“I was happy, and then I --”

“Freaked out?” he interrupted.  She nodded.

“What did,” she cleared her throat.  “What did you think, when you saw?”

“I don’t know, I think my heart stopped.”

“And how do you feel about it now?”

“Fucking terrified.  How in the hell did this happen?  I’m not meant to be a Dad.  I don’t know shit about diapers, or bottles, or them little shirts they wear with the snaps.  Snaps.  There’s tons of snaps.  And spit up? Oh god, don’t babies puke a lot?  And a crib.  We’re gonna need a crib.  And a place to live and… FUCK.”  He raked his hands through his hair, dragging his fingers down his face.  He closed his eyes a moment, and when he opened them, they were gentle, devoid of the crazed emotions he was feeling only moments earlier.  He took both Michonne’s hands in his own, “So, are we…. Are we doing this?”

He heard her draw a shaky breath, and she nodded and started to laugh.  “I want to if you do too.”

Daryl’s lips turned up into a wide grin.  He jumped to his feet, thrust both hands into the air, and yelled as loud as he could, “WE’RE HAVING A BABY!!!”

He pulled her up into his arms and swung her around wildly several times before planting a kiss on her lips.  “Come on, girl.  We gotta go celebrate!”

They had made love passionately that night, and opted not to tell a soul until after she had her first appointment.  Many months later, Jasper was born.  He grew his hair out into dreads like his momma, and had the most beautiful sea green eyes that they had ever seen.

Daryl turned in his seat to peer back at Jasper.  He was strapped into his car seat, holding a cup of dry cereal, munching on it loudly.  “You gonna be good for yer uncle while I’m at my meetin’?”

The little boy nodded.  “Maybe if yer good, we’ll go out for some ice cream or something.”

Jasper just looked at him, and shrugged turning away to look out the window as he continued eating his cereal.  Merle eyed the boy in the rear view mirror before turning into the parking lot.  “I’ll meet you across the street when yer done.  Gonna go try and coax a smile out of that boy.”

Daryl sighed, sitting back in his seat trying to garner the energy to open the door and step out.  He sat chewing the inside of his lip, knowing he needed to do something to get his shit together again, but at the same time not wanting to do anything at all.  He just wanted to go back three months, and freeze time.

“Come on, baby bro.”  Merle banged on his window, jerking him back to reality.  “Clock’s ticking!”

With a groan, he pulled the door handle and slid off the seat to the ground.  Following the support group sign, he went down the steps into the church basement.  He could smell coffee, and the sickly sweet scent of pastries.  Pouring himself a cup, he sat down in the back, nearest the exit in case he needed to make a break for it.  He watched as a few people trickled in.  A petite woman with silvery grey hair and nervous eyes.  A tall man with curly hair, the confidence of law enforcement or armed forces, with a five o’clock shadow making it’s appearance.  A big burly man wearing a beanie, and ass kicking boots. And a slim woman with the saddest eyes he had ever seen wearing a military jacket with patches, clearly not her own.

A black man wearing glasses and a kind face stood at the front of the room, and he waited before everyone was seated before speaking.

“Good evening everyone.  My name is Morgan, and this is the weekly meeting of our grief support group.  I am so glad to have you all here tonight.  Just a reminder, there are coffee and pastries in the back, you may move about freely during the meeting as needed.  Let’s pull the chairs in a circle, and we’ll go around and introduce ourselves.”

Daryl groaned inwardly. A circle?  All he wanted to do was sit idly by in the back row minding his own business, he had no plans to “participate.”    
“First time here?” came a gentle voice beside him.  Daryl looked up into a pair of gentle blue eyes, it was the curly haired man with the stubble.  He nodded, “Brother made me come.”

“Come on, we don’t bite.” He smiled at Daryl, and took a few steps, waiting for Daryl to follow.  The chairs were pulled into a big circle, and Daryl took a seat near Rick.

“Ok, I’ll start.  My name is Morgan.  I’m here because I lost my wife four years ago.  I find that talking with you has helped me to come to terms.  Let’s go around the circle, everyone can state their name and why they’re here.  Then, we’ll open up the floor to discussion.”

He gestured to to the silvery grey haired next to him.  

“Oh, um, my name is Carol.  I’m here because my husband recently passed away, and I’m trying to pull my life back together.”  Her voice was shaky, and her eyes were red rimmed with tears.  She wrung her hands in her lap, but she turned to give the gentleman next to her a meek smile.

“My name is Sasha, I lost my boyfriend Bob.  Killed in action," she gestured to the squadron patch on her sleeve.  "Tyreese.  Lost my woman, Karen.  To cancer," simply stated coming from the man in the beanie.  Daryl listened to the voices as each person in the group spoke, some sounded… normal.  Others, angry, sad, anguished, and hoping for something better.  Soon it was his turn to speak.

“Um, my name is Daryl.  I’m here because… I lost my fiance three months ago,” he couldn’t go on.  He just fidgeted in his seat uncomfortably.

“Welcome, Daryl.  The first step is usually the hardest, but I think you’ll find that you’re among friends here.  We look forward to getting to know you.  Rick? You’re up.” Morgan gestured to Rick who was seated beside Daryl.  

“My name is Rick, I lost my wife.  Complications of childbirth.” He cleared his throat while rubbing his hands up and down his thighs, “I’m here for myself, but also for each and every one of you.”  Rick made sure to catch the eye of each person in the circle before finally settling on Daryl. “He’s right, the first meetin’ is usually the hardest, but… stick with it, it’s worth it.  I’m promise.”

Daryl nodded shyly, and slunk down in his seat.  He honestly did not listen in much as the others shared their stories.  Struggles with their families, lawyers, adjusting to life after loss, all he heard were problems.  He had enough of those.  All he wanted was to go back home, drink a few beers, and call it a night.

Morgan called the meeting to the end and invited everyone to come back the following week.  Daryl nearly hightailed it out of there, but Rick met him at the door.  “Hey… some of us get together after the meeting.  Sometimes for coffee, dinner, ice cream.  You’re welcome to join?”

Daryl stared at the gentle blue eyes looking at him, watching as the man’s lips turned up in a gentle smile.  “Or, maybe next time?  If you’re coming back?”

“Yeah, maybe next time…” his voice trailed off, and he brushed by him needing an escape.  Walking back out onto the sidewalk, he pulled his hands up to his hips and hung his head back, breathing in the evening air.  He reached into a pocket and pulled out his lighter and a cigarette.  Lighting one, he leaned back against the stone building, watching the kids in the park across the road.  There were several adults and kids of various ages, teenagers to toddling babies.  They were running, laughing, and playing.  Happy.  He missed that feeling but doubted he’d feel it again any time soon.  Merle turned from his seat on a bench and caught his eye, raising his hand in a wave.  “Come on Jazz,” he called to the little boy.  “Daddy’s done, time to hit the road.”  Daryl watched as his son slid down the slide one last time, and then ran to a teen girl giving her a hug.  He barely made out the little voice, “Night ‘phia, I come play again with you sometime.”

Phia?  Sophia?  Sounded like the girl the silvery grey haired chick had spoken of.  Carol.  Sophia was Carol’s daughter.  He kept watching, and saw Rick cross the road.  A teen boy picked up a bag from the other side of the table, and pulled a young baby from the swing.  Rick pulled them both into a hug, kissing them each on the top of the head before leading them to his car.  Carol met the girl, Sophia, and they walked off together.

There was the shuffle of foot steps next to him, “Children.  God’s greatest blessing.  They have a way of healing our hearts, if we let them.  That your boy?” Tyreese pointed to Jasper who was being led by Merle across the street.  Daryl nodded.  “I want you to try something.  When you speak to him, try to smile.  It changes your voice.  Children, though resilient, have a sensitive nature.  They look to their parents to know that things will be okay.”

Daryl hummed.  “But will it?  Will it ever really be okay?”  He looked at Tyreese long, before stepping away and meeting Merle at the truck.

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Backstory on Carol and Sophia, and Rick offers to help Carol out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Daryl in this chapter, but I gift you with the beginnings of something "Carick-like." This is definitely going to be a slow-burn. :)

The slight woman looked at herself in the mirror.  Wiping a damp hand across the steamed up glass, just skewed her image into something unrecognizable.  She was unrecognizable.  The woman staring back at her had dark circles under her eyes.  Fine lines on her forehead, but the rest of her face lacked the “smile lines” that she heard other women talk about.  Crows feet, and the lines around your mouth.  Why?  She didn’t have much to smile about.  In fact, she hadn’t had much to smile about for years.  Decades.  She was free now, but the smiles… they didn’t come easily, if at all.  Gripping the edge of the sink she hung her head, and sighed deeply.  She stood herself up tall again, running her fingers through her short spiky hair trying to instill some self confidence in herself.  Something she had been lacking for quite some time.  Everything was lacking.  She’d been trying to stop herself from spiraling down into a deep depression but the fact of the matter was, she didn’t know how to claw her way out of it.  

Carol lost her husband to congestive heart failure just four months ago.  Ed was a domineering man, and controlled damn near every aspect of her life the moment she accepted his marriage proposal.  The moment that ring went on her finger 16 years ago, her life changed.  Ed hadn’t always been a control freak.  They had dated for years, and the moments of ugliness were few and far between, she never suspected that the day he claimed her as his own would be her last bit of freedom.  He arranged the wedding, bought the house, made her quit her nursing job to see to the needs of the house, and forced his way with her to ensure that she got pregnant as soon as possible after they were married.  It took years though.  For that, she was given the blame.  Every month when her period was due, he would stand in the bathroom with her while she urinated in a cup and he ran the test for her.  And every month when it came up negative, he would go on a vicious verbal tirade which more often than not turned physical.  And every month she’d be hunkered on the floor, choking on her own tears and mucous, pleading with him to stop hurting her.

She lost friends, she lost family.  She wasn’t even allowed to attend the funeral for her own parents.  She became a prisoner in her own home.  She sat listlessly on the toilet that blessed month when the pregnancy test finally came up positive.  She thought Ed would have been happy that it finally ‘worked.’  Nope.  He just went into another tirade, thankfully only verbal this time, about how it took so damn long, and what the hell was wrong with her, and how she better not fuck it up and lose the baby.  She wasn’t even happy, or excited, or even relieved to find that she was pregnant.  If anything, it just scared her.  Terrified her.  What her life had become… was that what this child would be doomed to repeat?

When Sophia was born, Ed hung around long enough to sign the necessary paperwork at the hospital.  He picked her up from the hospital three days later.  There was no pomp and circumstance.  There were no bouquets of flowers, no teddy bears, no balloons.  Nobody came to visit her, or to welcome their child into the world.  She was granted leave from their home to attend the necessary doctors appointments.  For a time, things were okay.  Until Sophia developed colic, and she would spend hours upon hours crying and wailing.  Many times Carol joined her in those cries, and Ed would scream and rage and threatened to throw her and the child out onto the streets if she didn’t get Sophia to quiet down.  How she wished she had the strength to have left back then.  Instead, she stayed and she suffered.  10 years later, Ed developed heart problems.  Congestive heart failure put him in the hospital on several occasions, and finally on the last visit just four months ago his heart gave out and he was gone.  She was free.  

Such a blessed event for her, and yet she found she wasn’t happy.  He was gone, but left behind a slew of problems.  Carol had gone from parents who did everything for her, to a husband who controlled everything, and she hadn’t learned a thing about balancing a checkbook, or that you had to take your car in regularly to be serviced.  She didn’t know what they had for bills, as Ed had their mail routed to a PO Box and controlled all that.  The funeral was a joke, attended by her and Sophia, and a few people from Ed’s work that she had never even met.

Carol attended to the probate work, and took care of Ed’s estate turning everything over to her name as instructed by her attorney.  It was that woman that suggested that Carol seek out help.  At first she refused, but at the woman’s insistence she agreed to attend a grief support group at the local church.  You’ll meet like-minded people, make new friends, and have someone to talk to, she had been told.  Carol tried it once, but it was a month before she was able to get herself to go back.  The first part was coming up with the courage to get out of the house.  Years being forced live a hermit-like existence had taken their toll.  Sophia, had chosen now to become an unruly teenager.  Free from her father’s wrath, she started taking on qualities frighteningly like her own fathers whilst trying to find her own place in the world.  Carol made mental notes and excuses for her, she’s just a teenager.  All those hormones?  She’ll grow out of it.  Won’t she?  She’d finally settled for bribery.  Telling her she had a meeting to attend, that Sophia would get a whole hour of freedom at the park across the street, and afterwards they would go out for a treat or something.  

So there she stood, in front of her bathroom mirror, fresh out of the shower trying to get herself dressed and ready for the support group meeting.  She had to do this, she had to start somewhere.  It was relief that she was met with some of the same people that she saw at the first meeting.  Morgan led all the meetings.  Hershel was such a kind old man, those gentle eyes warmed her soul a touch.  Rick, she learned, had two children.  While he spoke of his wife Lori, his eyes conveyed unimaginable sadness and heartbreak, but his eyes… there was something about them, a twinkle, that even despite the devastating loss, that twinkle never faded.  He had smiled at her warmly, which she found unnerving at first, but then realized he smiled at everyone that way.  Even the new guy, Daryl, was it?  That man intrigued her.  The shaggy mop of hair on his head that nearly covered his eyes.  He’d sat the entire time hardly daring to look at anybody, just fiddled with the hem of his shirt or the seam of his jeans.  She found herself staring at the way the muscles in his forearms moved as his fingers twitched.  His shirt, it strained itself across the broad expanse of his shoulders.  Impossibly broad, which she found someone amusing considering he was trying his best to shrink into himself and make himself smaller.  She had done that many a time trying to escape Ed.

There were others that she had eyed warily at the meeting as well.  Even with Ed gone, she still had moments where she feared he’d appear in the door to drag her home by the arm.  She rubbed her arm at the phantom ache of his thumb burrowing into her flesh.  Soon the meeting was over and she was dismissed to go get Sophia.  It pleased her to see that Sophia was talking with another boy, her age?  And a sweet little toddler with amazing sea green eyes, they all played with a baby, maybe a year old?  No, not quite. That was Rick’s child, if she remembered correctly.  How sad, these children all had the commonality of having lost a parent.  Her eyes burned, but she blinked back the tears, “Come on, Sophia,” she called.  The teen looking at her reluctantly, then rolling her eyes as she half heartedly ambled over to her mother.  

“Ice cream?” she asked. Sophia nodded.  

“So, who were those kids that you were playing with?”

“I wasn’t playing, mother.  I’m 14, I don’t play,” there was a slight sneer to her face, very reminiscent of Ed.  Carol tried to shake off the feeling.

“Did you at least have fun?  It’s a nice day out.”

“It was fine.”

“Well… I hope it’s okay because this is going to be a weekly thing.”

Sophia shot her a dirty look, “What am I supposed to do when it gets cold, you expect me to sit outside on a stupid playground for an hour and freeze my ass off?”

“Sophia!  Language!”

The insolent girl threw herself back into her seat and stared out the window.

“Sophia,” Carol softened her voice.  “It’s not going to be winter for a few more months, and no, I wouldn’t make you stand outside in the cold.  I just… I need this.  Your father took care of everything, never bothered to show me how it all worked out.  I need help, and we don’t have any family to help us out.  I’m trying… to make things better.  I want us to be happy.  And… I want to see you smile again.”

Sophia ignored her.  She knew that she at least heard her, because her eyes welled with tears, and she swiped at them as Carol drove to the ice cream shop.  

“Come on, let’s go all out this time.  Banana splits? Extra cherries?”  That at least produced a half smile.  Small, but it was a start.

 

* * *

 

“Can we go for ice cream, Dad?” asked Carl, as he ran after his father to the car, struggling with the diaper bag slung over his shoulder.

“It’s almost bedtime for Judith--”

“Come on, we never do anything fun!” Carl interrupted.

Rick reached over and ruffled Carl’s hair, “Fine.  But lets be quick, it’s a school night too, ya know.”

As they pulled into the parking lot of the ice cream shop, he noticed Carol and Sophia sitting at one of the picnic tables outside.  He smiled and waved at them as he got out of the car, “Great minds think alike!”

“Right, and it was my idea, so I’ve got a great mind, right Dad?” Carl shook his head at Rick.

“Here,” he handed Carl some cash, “Get me a cone, Rocky Road.  And whatever you want for yourself.  I’m going to go sit with Judith at the tables.”

Carl took the money and ran inside.  Walking over to Carol and Sophia with Judith on his hip, “Care if I join you?”

Carol shook her head, and gestured with her hand for them to sit.  Rick plopped Judith down right on the table, she leaned into his neck shyly hiding her face but smiling at Carol and Sophia.

“Rick, this is my daughter Sophia,” Carol introduced her, between spoonfuls of her delicious banana split sundae.

“Sophia, very nice to meet you.  Carl told me he recognized you from school.  Any classes together?”

Sophia shook her head, “No, I’m a grade ahead of him, but we might have the same gym class next semester when schedules change.”

He nodded thoughtfully.  “Do you think, if it’s okay with your mom first of course, that you might be interested in watching Judith for me a couple times a month?  Carl and I need some guy time, and it’s generally frowned upon to take a 10 month old to shoot paintball guns.”

Sophia giggled at that and looked to Carol for permission.  “That would be fine with me if it’s fine with Sophia.”

“Great!”  Just then, Carl made his way gingerly out the door.  He had to push it open with his back and step around it, carrying a small cone for Rick in one hand, and a gigantic sundae in the other, presumably for him.  “What in the world….”

“Dad, you said I could get whatever I wanted.  Here’s your cone.  I got The El Grande Havana Banana Split Sundae.  It’s 112 oz of caramelized banana, 6 scoops of ice cream, three different sauces, whipped cream, cherries, and sprinkles in a reusable boat bowl.  I figured Judith could play with the boat when I’m done.”  He grinned at Rick, and shoveled a spoonful into his mouth.

The three gaped at him while Judith reached over to snatch a cherry from the top.  Rick and Carol sat quietly eating their own ice cream as they listened to Sophia and Carl chatter on about teachers at their school, different subjects, and what kind of music the dj should play at the upcoming dance.  Carl made a good effort but was not able to finish his sundae, so Rick picked at it while the two teenagers went over to hang out on the set of swings nearby.  Judith was tucked into Rick’s chest starting to doze off, Carol smiled remembering when Sophia was small enough to do that.  “She’s beautiful….”

Rick glanced down at Judith and back to Carol, “Thank you, hard not to be when you’re this small and innocent.”

Carol hummed, and turned slightly to check on Sophia.  She and Carl were trying to see who could swing the highest, so far they were neck in neck.  “How’s Sophia handling things?” Rick asked.

Carol didn’t turn back, she just shrugged.  “She’s angry.  Confused.  She’s a teenager.  One minute she loves me, the next she hates me.  Then she says things that remind me so much of him and….” she shuddered, and tried to rub the goosebumps from her skin thinking of how “Ed-like” Sophia had been lately.  

“How about you?  How have you been doing?”

Carol looked taken aback at his query, she wasn’t used to people asking how she was.  Nobody had cared about what she thought or what her opinion was in a very long time.

“It… um.  It’s an adjustment.  Ed always took care of everything, I wasn’t allowed to do anything so when he passed it was just… a shock to have that freedom again.”

“Freedom?”

Carol blushed, realizing she had shared far more than she should have.

“Ed was a difficult man,” she explained.  “Very controlling.”

“Did he ever…” Rick’s voice trailed off, he had wanted to ask more, but he had picked up on her unease.  

She responded with a nod, and her eyes welled up with tears.  She gave him a weak smile and sniffled.  “This is the first time we’ve ever been out for ice cream on our own,” a hiccuping sob broke out, and she quickly grabbed a tissue from her purse and dabbed her eyes.  “I’m sorry,” she tried in vain to steady her voice not wanting to make Rick angry or upset.

“No, I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have….” his voice trailed off, and he reached over covering Carol’s hand with his own and giving it a gentle squeeze.  It broke his heart seeing this gentle woman sitting across from him falling apart.  And it angered him too, that she had been a victim of domestic abuse.  He made a mental not to pull the file on her husband the next time he was on shift.  As a deputy sheriff with the local county’s sheriff’s department, he needed to find out why the system had failed her.  He gave her a few moments to calm herself down, and when she had pulled herself together he spoke again.

“Carol, I… if there’s anything you need.  Anything I can help you with, I’m here to help, just let me know.”

The watery eyes peered back at him with what appeared to be shock to him.  “Why?” she asked.  “I mean, thank you, that’s very kind of you but… why?”

Rick thought a moment before answering.  “Just feels right.  I want to help you.  Is this really the first time you girls have been out for ice cream?”

She nodded, looking down at the tissues in her hand.  

He sighed, “Look.  I’m a deputy sheriff, its my job to help and protect people.  I get the feeling that we failed you.  But my wanting to help you?  That extends beyond what is my job.  It’s who I am.  Navigating this world alone is hard enough as it is, I can’t imagine what it must be like to do it with someone who has no appreciation for you.”

Carol pulled her hand back, “Thank you, Rick.”  She turned away, watching the two teenagers, still swinging like mad and egging each other on.  “Do you think… maybe… Nevermind.” She shook her head.

“What, what is it?”

“If Sophia watches Judith, do you think maybe Carl could come mow my lawn?  It looks like a hay field, and… I don’t know how to run the mower.”  A blush had creeped up her neck to her cheeks, and Rick just found that so endearing.

“Absolutely.  How about we pop by this weekend, I’ll show you how it works and we’ll get your yard taken care of.”

“Thank you, Rick,” she gave him her address, and clutched her purse tight.  “I appreciate it.  I’d best get Sophia home now, but we’ll look forward to seeing you.”  She stood up, and walked away to gather Sophia.  They both waved as they pulled out of the parking lot and headed home. Carl caught Rick staring wistfully after them.  

“Dad?”

“Yeah?”

“Um, it’s getting dark.  Shouldn’t we be getting home now?”

“Hey now,” he teased. “Who’s the parent, me or you?”

“Sometimes, I don’t even know….  keeping your kids out past bedtime, that’s mighty irresponsible, don’t you think?”

“Oh, shush.”  He pulled Carl in for a hug, and kissed him on the top of the head.  “Let’s go home.”

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl gets out of the house with Jasper, reconnecting with old friends, and has a run-in with Rick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I made a small revision which affects chapter 1 -- Daryl already knows Hershel, so I substituted Sasha and Tyreese there. You're not missing anything if you don't go back and reread the chapter. Here we learn a little more about Michonne, and that she worked for Hershel. The Greenes are like family to the Daryl and Jasper, my muse insisted that there be a history between them. This is a long chapter, I hope y'all enjoy it!

“I am DONE playing little woman,” Merle was exasperated.  He was standing in front of Daryl.  It was 8 a.m. on a Saturday, there was no food in the house, but sure enough there was Daryl in his arm chair sucking down what appeared to be a beer.  “I’m not cartin’ yer son all over creation running errands fer you, taking him to daycare and bringing him home so you can sit here and be a no-good drunk.”

“I ain’t a drunk!” Daryl protested, throwing his empty seltzer water can at Merle’s head.  

“Why you lil’ fucker--”

“You said a bad word!” came the fiercely spoken words of a blessed little three year old’s mouth.  In the doorway stood little Jasper Dixon, all 3 foot 6 of him, arms crossed at his chest, glaring Merle down.

“Yer right,” said Merle.  “I do apologize Jazz, I’m tryin’ to kick yer Dad’s a--, uh, BUTT in gear here.  But he’s bein’ a lazy mofo, and,” he turned back to Daryl, “I’m gosh darn SICK OF IT.”

Jazz padded his bare feet across the room, and climbed up into his daddy’s lap.  Daryl tried to ignore him, but it was hard when the boy was straddling his lap, holding his face in his hands pinching his cheeks while giving him a stare down.

“Daddy?  We ain’t got no milk. I thirsty.”

“Can’t you get him some water?” asked Daryl.

“Why sure, I’d be happy to.  But seein’ as he asked YOU, why don’t you do your fatherly duty, and take care of your boy!”

Daryl stared back at Merle with a look of annoyance.  

“So sorry to disturb your drunken infomercial watching, but I got a job to get to.  There’s these things called BILLS that got to be paid.  And you, I’m leaving you the grocery list.  Cash is on the counter.  Don’t let that boy go hungry, or so help me God….” he trailed off there pointing an accusatory finger in Daryl’s face.

“Daddy, please?” asked Jazz, imploring him with his eyes.  Daryl couldn’t resist, not when Jazz looked up at him with those sea green eyes of his.  They were nothing like his momma’s, she had dark eyes.  Little Jasper’s eyes though, Daryl swore they could see right through his soul.

“Alright, we’ll go to Beth’s and get you some breakfast.  Then we’ll hit the grocery store.  Go get yourself some clothes.”

“Ain’t got no clothes, Daddy.  They is all dirty.”

Daryl groaned, “Dammit.  Fine.  Just… pick out something that don’t stink.  Bring me the rest, we’ll run a load a wash while we’re out.”  Talk about feeling like a failure.  His own druggie brother was doing a better job at playing father to his son than he was.  He didn’t blame Merle for getting frustrated with him, he really did need to put forth a better effort. Looking at the room around him, all he saw was piles of dirty clothes, beer cans kicked into the corners, dirty window shades pulled down blocking out the light.  Deplorable.  This was no place for a small child to live, least of all happily.  Dammit, if that wasn’t swift kick to his gut…

After the load of clothes started agitating in the washer, they left for Beth’s Diner in town.  The food was good, cheap, and they served it up fast.  He was hoping that the morning rush would be over, but from the look of the parking lot when he pulled in, he wasn’t so lucky.  It was after 9 on a Saturday morning, of course the place would be packed.  He was able to get them a corner booth in the back, and he groaned inwardly when Beth caught his eye and made her way over.  

It was almost annoying how she always smiled.  Her hair was always pulled back in the same braided pony tail.  Her eyes always sparkled, and her face always turned up in a cheerful grin when she saw him.  A ray of fucking sunshine.  

“Good Morning, Daryl.  Hey there, Jasper!  What can I get you fellas this morning?” She was already pouring Daryl a cup of coffee, and aimed her attention at Jazz.  

“You got milk?”

“Sure do!”

“We don’t got none at home.  Can I have some milk, please?”  Beth’s eyes flashed to Daryl’s, he nodded, wincing at Jazz’s comment.

“And to eat?”

“I’m all set, just him this morning,” Daryl gestured to Jazz.

“Can you do Mickey Mouse pancakes this morning?” he asked.

“Absolutely!  Would you like a side of Pluto to go with that?”

“Yes, please!”

“Coming right up!”  

“What’s the side of Pluto? asked Daryl, after Beth walked away.

“Pluto shaped pancake.  Banana and raisin for the eyes, and they give him a strawberry nose.  And the strawberry is dipped in CHOCOLATE!”  Jazz face was lit up in glee, and he clapped his hands excitedly.

Daryl couldn’t help himself but chuckle, hell if this kid wasn’t the cutest damn thing on the planet.  Scratching at the scruff of hair on his chin, he watched as Jazz took the cup of crayons from the end of the table and started drawing a picture on the back of his paper placemat.  He drew what he knew to be himself, Daryl, Merle, and then he started on Michonne.  Realizing his error, he drew an X through the half done stick figure of her.  Daryl had to look away.  There were still many nights where Jazz would wake up calling for his momma, and there’d be fresh tears every time he realized his momma was no longer there to come to him.  Jazz loved his Daddy fiercely, but there’s something special about a mother’s love that no daddy can ever replicate.  Daryl was lost in thought of Michonne when Beth arrived back at their table plates in hand.  She plopped a huge platter in front of Jazz, with the mouse and infamous dog shaped pancake on it, exactly as Jazz had described to Daryl.  And she placed a plate in front of Daryl, a monstrous bagel which slab style bacon, egg, and cheese on it.

“Beth,” Daryl protested, “I didn’t order this.”

“True, but you’re getting to be skin and bones.  When was the last time you ate?” she asked, a look of concern casting shadow over her face.  Daryl looked away.

“Look, do me a favor.  Eat your breakfast, and if you have time this weekend, head on over to Daddy’s.  He’s been trying to fix the tractor for days and could use your help.  And the peaches are in, ripe and ready for pickin’!”

Peaches, he was a sucker for peaches.  Ripe and juicy, and nobody grew them better than her Daddy, Hershel Greene.  Hershel was the town veterinarian, but he also had a farm and orchard.  Michonne had been one of his employees, a veterinary technician, and he had thought as highly of her as he did his own daughters.  Daryl really wasn’t up for a visit, but Hershel was as close to a Grampa as Jasper would ever have, and the man did dote on him.

“Fine… Let him know I’ll be there.  I dunno, maybe Sunday afternoon.”

“Thank you, Daryl!  You’re the best.”  She leaned down, pecking him on the cheek and was off in a flash to wait on her other tables.

 

* * *

 

At the grocery store a short while later, Jazz was chatterboxing along with a running commentary about which vegetables and fruits could talk, and which couldn’t.  Some were meant for singing and dancing, and others were “the bad guys” or some such thing.  Kids and their amazing little creative minds, Daryl mused to himself.  He was picking over the produce, running prices in his head, calculating what he had money for when he noticed that Jazz had gotten quiet.  Looking down at his son, he was shocked to see Jazz’s little lip quivering and his eyes were filled with tears.  “What’s the matter, lil’ man?” he asked, putting down the head of broccoli he had been holding.  

“I miss you, Daddy.”

Oh, if that didn’t just cut his heart out with a dull and rusty spoon.

“You never smile for me anymore. I miss you smiling for me,” and a big tear escaped Jazz’s eyes and laid a wet track down his cheek, past the little dimple on his chin and fell to his lap.  Daryl pulled his little boy out of the shopping cart, clutching him to his chest, he walked out of the store.  He couldn’t take it, the little boy broke down into broken hearted sobs, and Daryl was damn near there himself.  Bursting through the doors outside, gasping as if there was not enough oxygen to sustain him, he managed to get them onto a bench where he held Jazz tight rocking him back and forth, a tear escaping his own eye.  He rubbed a hand across his eyes, sniffed loudly, and pulled a rag from his pocket to wipe down his little boy’s face.  

“I’m sorry, Jazz…  I don’t know what to say…” Jazz was tucked in under his chin, the occasional hiccup wracking his tiny body.  

“Will you be happy, Daddy?”  

Daryl leaned back on the seat, “Someday, I promise.”  He held his boy a few minutes longer before they got up and went back inside to finish their shopping.

 

* * *

 

“You never smile for me anymore.  I miss you smiling for me,” those little words were forever etched in Rick’s brain.  He had seen Daryl and Jasper in the grocery store, and was mere feet away in the produce section when he heard the words that sweet sad little boy spoke.  He was going to say Hi, to see how Daryl was doing, and tell him he hoped to see him at the next meeting.  But that all went to hell the moment those heartbreaking words were spoken.  He watched as Daryl had clutched his son tightly, and exited the store.  It made him pull Carl in tightly, and place a kiss on the top of his head.  He knew exactly how Daryl was feeling in that moment, having struggled with Carl those first few months after Lori died.  But Carl was 13, he could be reasoned with a lot easier than a 3 year old.  Rick made another mental note to speak with Daryl, maybe the guy needed a break or a friendly ear.  

As he was in line at the check out, trying to wrangle his coupons away from Judith, Carl tapped on his shoulder.  “Is that the guy?” he asked, gesturing to the cart behind him.  Sure enough, there was Daryl looking mildly annoyed, adding numbers with his fingers it seemed while Jazz clung to his arm.  When Daryl looked up, Rick gave him a smile and a wave, “How you doing today?”

It took a moment before recognition spread across Daryl’s face, he waved back and shrugged, pulling the pen from his ear and crossing items off his list.

“Will we see you again at the meeting next week?”

“Uh, yeah… I guess so…”

Judith caught sight of Jazz, and recognizing him, she let out an ear piercing shriek.  Jazz turned, and yelled, “Judy!  Yay!  It’s Judy!  Daddy, can I go play with her?”

Between shrieks from Judith, and raucous shouts from Jazz, Rick was able to get that Daryl would be at the meeting as long as his brother was available to watch Jazz.  And how cute was it, Rick thought, watching Daryl try to shush Jazz down and explain that yes he would have a chance to play with Judith but not for a few more days.  After Rick’s items were bagged, he paid for his items, and bid Daryl goodbye.  But he did make a point of being extra slow while loading Judy, and the groceries into the car in hopes that he might see Daryl one last time in the parking lot.  Luck was on his side that day, Daryl was parked two vehicles away.  He nonchalantly walked passed on his way to putting the shopping cart back, and stopped on his way back.  

“Hey, listen… my son, Carl and I.  We hit the paintball field once a month or so, just a break from reality.  If you ever want to join us, just let me know.  Actually,” he pulled his wallet out, rifled through it, and handed Daryl his business card, “give me a call, anytime, day or night.  I don’t mean to put you on the spot or anything, I just… I know what it’s like.”  He held out the card to Daryl, who took it, staring at the emblem and name.

“Rick Grimes… yer a cop?”  The look on Daryl’s face was incredulous.

“You say it like it’s a bad thing.”  Rick was used to getting flack for being a cop, most people felt untrusting of them in the southern hick town they lived in.  But being a deputy sheriff was not without it’s perks if he had anything to say about it.

“No,” Daryl shook his head.  “Pegged you for some sort of law enforcement.  But uh… thanks, man.  Appreciate it.”  Daryl’s eyes lingered on him, Rick nodded, “See you around!” and he walked back to his car where Carl and Judith were waiting.

 

* * *

 

Daryl shook his head, and looked down at the card in his palm.  Running a finger over the emblem for the King’s County Sheriff’s Department, he was both surprised and warmed by Rick’s kind words and gentle eyes.  The man smiled at him, there was no look of pity, he knew the struggle that Daryl was enduring at that moment, and he… gave him his card with all his contact information and seemed legitimately interested in helping him out.  Normally, Dixons don’t associate with cops, but Daryl was willing to make an exception.  Rick was good people, and he knew he needed that in his life.

“Alright lil’ man, let’s get this food home, and maybe we’ll go visit Pop Greene.”  

“Yes, Daddy!  We go see Poppa Greene!”

Later that afternoon, Daryl decided to make good on Beth’s request to see what was wrong with Hershel’s tractor.  Pulling up that long drive to the farmhouse brought back many memories.  He and Michonne would regularly enjoy meals with the Greene family on Sunday nights.  Sometimes almost weekly, but typically at least once a month.  But that had all stopped after Michonne’s death.  At first Daryl had used the excuse that he couldn’t drive with a busted ankle.  After that, he started ignoring the calls, and here they were months later.  He watched as Hershel opened the door, the smile spreading across his face at seeing him and Jazz as they got out of the truck.

“As I live and breathe…” he reached out gripping Daryl’s hand tight.  “And Mr. Jasper, I do declare, you have the most amazing eyes I have ever seen.  And who gave you permission to grow?  What are you, ten feet tall now?”  

Jazz giggled as Hershel reached out and tickled him under the chin.

“Did my Bethy send you?” he asked in earnest, “I do apologize.  Ever since Maggie took off with Glenn, she’s taken over the position of playing boss.”

“Says yer tractor needs a look at.”

Hershel nodded, “Jasper, why don’t you run inside so your Dad and I can talk.  Beth is in the kitchen, if you ask her nicely she might share a cookie with you.”

Jazz looked to Daryl for permission, “Sure, go see Beth.  I’ll be out by the barn if you need me.”

Jazz took off into the house, and Daryl cringed inwardly knowing that he was in for a lecture.   He had not been to see Hershel since the funeral.  The few phone calls had been difficult, as Daryl had pushed nearly everyone away.  Hershel stood in front of him with that knowing look on his face.  A mix of sorrow, of happiness, and of understanding.

“I’m sorry…” Daryl shrugged, “s’all I got, man.”

“What do you have to be sorry for?  Do you forget so soon that I’ve buried two wives?  Do you think I really don’t have any idea what it is you might be going through?  Son… I am not going to lecture you.  But, looking at you now… you’re pale, gaunt even.  I…  I worry, it’s what fathers sometimes do.  Please, if there’s anything that I say today that you take home with you, it’s this.  Be good to yourself, and take care of yourself.  If not for you, then for your boy.”

Daryl willed himself to meet Hershel’s eyes, “I’ll try,” was all he could muster.

“That’s all that I can ask of you.  I know you don’t want or need it,” he said as he lead the way to the tractor, “but I’m going to say a prayer for you. Michonne was dear to me, and I don’t want to ponder what she would say if she saw you like this.”

And there it was, the passive aggressive statement he was hoping to avoid.  Walking through the tall grass, Daryl put his hands out feeling the tips tickle against his palms.

“Here she is.  I can get her started, but she won’t stay running.  If you could give her a look over, it would be most appreciated.  I’ll leave you to it, but do come see me at the house when you’re done.  Bethy has been busy in the kitchen, and I know for certain there’s a peach pie in there with your name on it.”  He winked at Daryl, patting him on the shoulder before huffing it back to the house.  Daryl looked down at the tired beat up old tractor.  “I know just how you feel,” he muttered to himself, his own body feeling as rough as the tractor looked.

An hour later, grease to his elbows, and sweat dripping down his back, Daryl had the problem fixed.  He drove it over to the house to show Hershel, and was met with the sight of Beth standing on the porch singing that annoying song by Kenny Chesney, and dancing along to it.

“She thinks my tractor's sexy

It really makes her smile

She's always starin' at me

While I'm chuggin' along

She likes the way it's pullin' while we're tillin' up the land

She's even kind of crazy 'bout my farmer's tan

She's the only one who really understands what gets me

She thinks my tractor's sexy”

“That ain’t how the song goes.”

“Ha! I knew it, Daryl Dixon DOES do country!  Changed the lyrics, didn’t want to make you blush.”

“Never said I didn’t do country, just that man cain’t sing for shit.  Hate that damn song,” he grumbled.

“Come on inside, you can wash up.  Daddy is gonna be so happy that you got her runnin’ again.”

Daryl stood in the kitchen at the sink washing up while Beth chatterboxed her way around the kitchen.  At 27 years old, Beth was proving to be quite the successful entrepreneur.  She had skipped off to college right after high school earning her 4 year business degree in 3 years.  She paid for most of her education on her own, working at a diner nearby her school and singing in bars on the weekends.  After getting her diploma, she came back home and opened up a diner of her own, and created an eclectic menu using her momma’s recipes.  She still did her singing on the weekends, as that was her passion and her outlet.

“Where’s Jazz?  I thought he was in here with you?” He suddenly realized the house was too quiet.  

“He’s on the couch, Daddy was readin’ to ‘im, little guy was all tuckered out.  He’s sleeping now.  Go on outside and have a seat on the porch, I’ll bring you some lemonade.”

Daryl did as he was told, and sat back in the tired wicker chair letting his eyes run across the fields, relishing the tranquility that came with it.  Hershel joined him, handing him the glass of lemonade that Beth had promised.  

“Yer boy is sleeping, we can sit here and relax a bit.  How has he been doing?”

Daryl leaned forward, elbows on his knees.  “He misses me, told me I don’t smile for him anymore.”  His eyes stung, he had not been prepared for Jasper’s sudden burst of emotion, it still made his heart ache.

“Of course.  Young children… they don’t understand.  He’ll be okay, but you need to play your part right.  Don’t lie to ‘im.  It’s okay to be sad in front of him.  And it’s okay to be happy too.  Keep him on a regular routine, it helps them to know that everything is okay.  I won’t ask you to come to dinner Sunday, that is an open invitation that stands for any day of the week.  We miss you around here, it’s too quiet sometimes being just Bethy and I.”

“Alright… I’ll see what I can do.”

The door to the porch opened, and out came little Jazz rubbing his eyes sleepily.  He crawled up into Daryl’s lap, wrapping his arms around his neck and snuggling in under his chin.  

“Have a good rest, lil’ man?”

“Mmm-hmm.  Can we go home now, Daddy?”

Daryl looked to Hershel, who nodded.  “Be sure to take one of Beth’s pies with you.”  As if on cue, Beth appeared with a pie boxed up and ready to go.  She kissed Jazz on the head, and Daryl on the cheek.  “And come to the diner more often.  We need to fatten you up.”

Daryl rolled his eyes, “Thank you, both of you.  We’ll be back again sometime…”

They waved as they pulled down the long driveway on their way back home.  As much as Daryl hated to admit it, it was nice getting out of the house.  The world around him felt less stagnant, it was almost as if he could breathe freely again.  Almost.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Rick and Daryl help Carol out, and she begins to warm up and blossom a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this is just a bit of a filler chapter. There will be plans in the next chapter to get Carickyl together for an event that I think will be both moving and amusing.

It was Saturday morning, and Rick was on his way over to Carol’s house.  Carl and Judith were along for the ride, due to hang out with Sophia while he and Carol attended to adult matters like home and yard maintenance.  He pulled into her driveway, the yard looking quite overgrown.  There were branches down in the yard, some on the roof from a recent storm, and all the shades in the house were drawn.  It almost looked as if no one lived there, save for the ruts in the dirt driveway leading to the car parked around back.  He pulled Judith from her car seat and walked with Carl to the door, knocking a few times with the hard rap of his knuckle.

Carol pulled open the door just as much as the chain would allow, upon seeing it was Rick, she smiled.  Closing the door, he heard the slide of the chain off the latch, and she pulled it wide open.  “Come on in!  Sophia is in the den, Judith and Carl can sit with her while we do… stuff.”

As Rick stepped inside, he looked all around.  The home was barely lit, not a speck of dust anywhere.  Pictures on the wall were straight and true, not a thing out of place.  It had a very sterile feel to it, almost like that of a hotel or institution.

“Let me show you around back, Ed kept the lawn mower in the shed.  But there’s a lock on it, and I don’t know where the key is.”

“Did you lose it?”

“No,” she shook her head.  “Ed took care of everything.  I wasn’t allowed to know where the keys were kept.  Where anything of importance was kept…  I looked, but didn’t find keys anywhere.”  She shrugged it off, as if that’s how typical couples handled their home life.  As if keeping a shed locked from your spouse was a normal thing.

“Have you got a crow bar? Or anything that we could pry the lock off with?”

“Basement? I don’t know.  I’m sorry, Rick.”

“Forgive me for being blunt, but was Ed a controlling man?”

“In all ways.”

“He tell you to keep the doors locked and the shades drawn?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“He’s gone now.  This is YOUR home now, Carol.  You don’t owe him anything.  You’re in charge now.  You want to let in a little sunshine, then you march right on over to those windows and draw up the shades.”

She stared at Rick, then hesitated not sure if she should in fact go pull  up the shades or not.

“It’s your choice, Carol.  It’s not up to anyone else.  My opinion doesn’t matter here.”

She gave him a shy smile of understanding.  “It is a little dark and dreary in here, isn’t it?”  Rick watched as she walked to the windows, and pulled the line on the shades drawing them up.  Wincing as her face was met with light directly from the sun, then closing her eyes and turning towards it.  She hummed, feeling it’s warmth caress her face, she crossed her arms over her chest rubbing her arms and smiling into the heat.  “It’s been ages since I’ve felt the sun on my face in my own home.”

“Know what’s even better?  Feeling it head to toe outdoors.  Come on, let’s go check that shed out.”

Carol led the way, stepping carefully through the overgrown grass, letting her hands run through the overgrowth.  The shed was really more of a small barn.  A simple lever held the door shut, fastened securely with the lock.  Rick ran his hands over the door, the wood was grey with age, and the bottom of the door was starting to show signs of rot and decay from years of water damage.  A few well placed kicks with his boot, and he broke the door from it’s hinges.  He turned to Carol, flashing her a smile at his success.  “I promise, I will fix that door for you.”  

Walking into the darkened building, he cast his eyes over an array of tools on a decrepit work bench.  A tall metal cabinet rusted and covered with dust sat in the corner, and beneath a tarp he eyed the wheel of the lawn mower.  He pulled back the tarp, and dragged the mower outside.  Carol stayed in the building, looking around at the place.  She hadn’t been inside it for the better part of a decade.  Curious, she put her hands on the handle to the cabinet doors, and pulled it open.  The shelves were lined with boxes upon boxes of what appeared to be financial documents.  Pulling one down, she walked over to the work bench and placed it down gently.  She could hear Rick yanking fruitlessly on the pull chain of the mower in attempts to get it started.  Brushing the dust from the box, she pulled the top open.  It was full of bank statements and investment account statements, only a couple years old.  She pulled out more boxes.  More of the same statements inside, several years worth.  She noticed coffee cans, pulling them down she opened the lid and pulled out a rolled up wad of $100 bills.  There were easily a dozen cans, lining the top shelf.  A large tin box below it also filled with the same.  Thousands upon thousands of dollars.  Her hands shook at the realization that there were more secrets, more things that Ed never shared with her.  And this money, what was she supposed to do with it?  The bank account she had set up with the remaining money after Ed had died was starting to dwindle out, and she had not had any luck finding a job to cover the usual bills of utilities, mortgage, etc.  This certainly solved the financial dilemma, she mused.

Hearing a disgruntled sigh from Rick, she turned to find him staring at the mower with a look of disdain.  “Doesn’t want to start,” he scratched his head.  “I can take it in for you, get it checked out.  Looks like your hayfield might sit for a few more days, that okay?”

She nodded.  “I appreciate you checking it out, Rick.  I uh…. I think I might need your help with something else in the meantime.”  She held up a roll of bills.  “What do I do with all this?”

 

* * *

 

Daryl groaned as he rolled over in his bed to hit the snooze button for the dozenth time that morning.  He was due in to work in a half hour’s time, and he still hadn’t been able to pull himself from bed.  His boss, Dale, had been the utmost of patient with him since Michonne’s passing, but he knew that patience was starting to dwindle.  He had missed a lot of work, which put undue pressure on others to fill the gap.  At least he would be in the shop that day, handling the business’s small engine repair.  During the week, he would sometimes be found tending to the landscaping portion of Dale’s business, though lately he much preferred and welcomed the solitude of working in the shop on the engines.  Forcing himself out of bed, he showered quickly, and pulled on his uniform.  Blue work pants and a shirt emblazoned with the company logo, “Horvath’s Landscaping and Small Engine Repair.”  It was a mouthful, but Dale felt it best conveyed what his business was all about, leaving no question to the consumer.

“You got Jazz today?” asked Daryl, as he grabbed his keys and made for the door. Merle looked up from his bowl of cereal, “When do I not?”

Daryl rolled his eyes, “I’m going in to work today.  Trying to play my part here, okay?”

“Oh,” mocked Merle.  “Finally decided to grow a pair now, did you?  Pulling yerself up by the bootstraps, about damn time, boy.”  Pausing to glare at Daryl, “Yes, I will take care of yer son today.  Don’t forget, you owe Jessie a check for past due child care.”

He dropped his head against the door.  “Dammit,” he muttered.  “Tell her… tell her I apologize, and I’ll giver her a call to make arrangements later.”

“You best call her before I get there.  Better yet, you drop Jazzy there yourself this morning.  Let her gaze into that baby blue eyes of yers and be mesmerized.  She got a lot more patience chatting with you than me. Don’t know what her problem is, must be a rug muncher er something.”

“Why you always gotta be so crass.  She’s married, you asshole.  To a man.  Probably one with a dick bigger and more satisfying than yers.  She wouldn’t be such a bitch to you if you happened to use the brain God gave you, instead of yer dick.”

Merle sneered at him, “Whatever.”

“Jazz, you ready to go?”

Jasper bounded into the room wearing black shorts, a batman shirt, and a cape.  “Senoia’s own caped crusader, I like it.  Let’s get you to Jessie’s, Daddy’s gotta work today.”

Jazz frowned.  “Why you got work, Daddy?  Can’t we stay home and play?”

“Not today buddy.  But um, you can play with… what’s their names.  Judith? and… those other kids you played with at the park.  Soon.”

“Yay!” Jasper cheered.  Grabbing his bag, Daryl led him out to the truck and they were on their way.

Pulling into the parking lot at Jessie’s daycare and preschool building, he could hear the shrieks and screams of the kids playing on the playground having a grand time.  What it must be like to be young, and have not a care in the world, he thought to himself.  Collecting Jasper and the bag, he made his way inside.  Jessie greeted him from one of the classroom doorways, and watched as Daryl hung up Jasper’s bag and walked him up to her.  She eyed him with a half smile, “How are you doing, Daryl?”

“I’m sorry, Jess.  I know I’m way behind.  Can Jazz stay today?  I’ll get you a check when I get paid Friday.”

Jessie sighed, “I don’t do this for anyone, Daryl.  You’re a month behind. I don’t like watching your balance grow, you know the rule if you two weeks or more behind it cancels the contract.”

Daryl dragged a hand over his face, “Ain’t got nowhere else to take ‘im.”

“You’re lucky I like you, Daryl Dixon.  Here’s what I’ll do. I’ll adjust his tuition to days used, as opposed to the standard flat rate weekly charge.  That’ll bring your balance down.  I don’t want to see it grow any higher.  Get back on the regular for payment, and maybe I’ll let you work off the remaining balance.  Pete is the least handy man I know, and there’s plenty of handy man type stuff needing to get done around here.”

“You’re the best.  Thank you,” he leaned in and kissed her on the cheek and quickly vacated. “Be good, Jazz!  I’ll get you this afternoon.”  He was out the door, and gone.

 

* * *

 

“Oh my God, Carol.”  Rick ran his hands over the coffee cans, “You had no idea that this was all here?”

“No,” she shook her head. “I haven’t been in here since Sophia was just a baby.  Ed kept me out of everything.”

“Well, you wanna get this to the bank.  Deposit it, put it in a safe deposit box, whatever.  Those statements, take ‘em to your lawyer.  It looks like everything is in Ed’s name.  If these are all valid accounts, then… well, it can probably be all transferred to you depending on what his will stated.”

“He never updated his will, left everything to me.  Apparently he was too cheap to change it after things went downhill…  Oh my gosh, Rick.”

“I know, right?  Listen, I’ll take your mower in.  I know a place that can probably work on it.  But trust me on this, Carol.  You want to get this stuff secured.”

“I’ll do it.  Thank you, Rick.  You have no idea what this means to me.”  Her eyes filled with tears, and she wrung her hands.  Overwhelmed was the understatement of the year.  Here she had practically been a prisoner in her own home, recently granted her “freedom” from such a terribly controlling man, and now blessed with potential financial security?  It was a lot to take in.  And Rick’s offer of help when she needed it most did not go unappreciated.

He squeezed her hand, and smiled at her.  “Anything at all, Carol.  I mean it, just let me know.  I’ll leave my cell number with Sophia.  And I’ll see you at the meetin’ this week?”

She nodded tearfully, “Thanks again.”  Rick collected the children, left his number with Sophia and loaded the dead lawn mower into his truck.  Carl chatted the entire way to the engine repair shop about Sophia, and how amazed she was that she didn’t have video games, or movies.  Even more so that they didn’t have cable tv.  “I mean really, Dad.  Who lives like that?”

He chuckled to himself, “Not everybody requires entertainment to live, Carl.  Nothing wrong with taking a more simplified approach to life.”

“Simple?  Pffft, that’s BORING.”

Rick pulled into the parking lot and parked.  “Stay here with Judith, you’re old enough now.  Keep the air running, and don’t change the radio station.”  Carl rolled his eyes, “Yes, Dad.”

Rick walked inside, and was greeted with a hearty and cheerful “Hello!” from the bearded man at the counter.  

“Good morning.  I’ve got a friend’s lawn mower in my truck.  Won’t start.  Is that something your engine repair guy can check out?”

“Certainly!  Let’s get a slip started, and we’ll see if we can find out what the problem is.”  He took down Rick’s contact information, explained the diagnostic charge, and claimed he’d likely receive a response that afternoon or the following day.  “Bring the mower around back, and I’ll have Daryl check it out.”

“Daryl? Shaggy hair-”

“Shoulders as broad as the state of Texas?” interrupted the man, nodding.

“Small world…” Rick mused.

“I’m Dale, by the way.  It’s a pleasure to meet you, Rick.”  He held out his hand to Rick, you took it firmly and gave it a shake.

Walking the mower around to the back of the building, he was met with the sight of Daryl leaning over a workbench tinkering with a small motor.  Dale walked through the doorway, getting his attention and gesturing toward Rick.  Daryl wiped his hands down on a rag, and turned to greet Rick.

“Small world, huh?”

Rick chuckled, “I said the same thing when I found you worked here.”

Daryl nodded, “What you got here?”

“Dud mower.  It’s actually Carol’s.  Her lawn is a hayfield, and I couldn’t get this started.”

“Well… even fixed, this ain’t gonna take down no hayfield.”

“Oh… Any idea what Dale’s rates are for taking care of an overgrown yard?  I feel bad, her husband handled everything.  He had this locked up in a shed, no key to be found.  Had to break the door down.”

“Damn.  Well, when I’m not here I’m out with the landscaping crew.  Maybe I can get Dale to do a one time freebie, help ‘er out while her mower is here.”

“That’d be awesome.  You got my number, give me a shout when you know what’s going on.” He gave Daryl the address and phone number for Carol.  “See you at the meetin’ this week?”

Daryl nodded, “Sure, ain’t like I got anything better to do.”

Rick gave him a long look, “It gets better.  I promise.”

“So everybody tells me.”

“Just keep trying.”

Daryl nodded, and wheeled the broken mower back into his work area.  “I’ll text you or something later this afternoon, give ya an update.”

Rick gave him a salute, and was out the door.

 

* * *

 

Late afternoon arrived with a diagnosis of DOA, on the mower with no chance of resuscitation.  Daryl texted Rick to let him know that Carol would need a new mower, but he’d go help her out in the meantime.  He had a customer’s small tractor in for repair, and with both Dale and the customer’s permission, he was granted leave to test the repairs on the tractor via mowing down Carol’s overgrown lawn.  Two birds, one stone.  

He pulled over and parked on the road in front of her home, and looked across the expanse of her yard.  Spring had given way to summer, and the yard was quickly looking to take over and reclaim the world.  He looked up to see Carol moving from window to window, drawing up the shades and opening the windows.  Smiling along the way.  When she saw his truck and trailer, emblazoned with Dale’s logo, she cocked her head and disappeared from view.  He walked through the overgrowth to her door, knocking three times.  She pulled it open, smiling upon recognizing him. She gave him a confused look, “Hi Daryl, what’s… going on?”

“Rick tell ya about the mower?”

“Said it was no good, but…”

“Boss said I come straighten this out for ya, no charge.”

Carol’s hand flew to her mouth, her lips pressed in a thin line.  Her eyes sparkled with tears as she looked around him to see the truck and trailer.  She nodded, and smiled up at him gratefully.  “Thank you, Daryl.  I don’t even know what to say, you and Rick have done more for me today than my husband did for me our entire marriage.”

Daryl gave her a strange look, as he stepped back and away from the house.  “Alright, well gonna make some noise now.  I’ll let ya know when I’m done.”

The hot Georgia sun beat down on his back as he unloaded the tractor and set to mowing the grass down.  He went over the entire lawn cutting it to an appropriate height.  Then went over it again raking up the clippings.  He dumped it in a pile beyond the shed with the busted doors, and busied himself with pulling branches from the flower beds.  Finding a ladder next to the shed, he leaned it against the house and took care of the gutters.  All the while, Carol watched from the newly unshaded windows.  When he loaded the tractor up, she scurried to the kitchen pouring him a large cup of sweet tea and grabbing him a handful of fresh baked cookies from that morning.  She opened the door just as he had attempted to knock.

“Yer lawn is all set.  You can talk to Dale about a new mower, or set up a regular service.  Whatever works best for you.”

“Thank you so much, Daryl.  You did such a amazing job,” she marveled, walking out onto the porch.  “You cleared the flower beds? And the gutters?” She looked up noting there were no longer weeds growing out from the gutters that had been there just that morning.  “It looks so… rejuvenated!”

“Garden center is having a sale, saw the sign on the way here.  You get some plants, I’ll put ‘em in for ya.  Just tell ‘em Dale sent ya, they’ll give a discount.  Pretty spot you got here, you get the right stuff and you’ll draw in birds and butterflies an’ shit.”

“You know a lot about plants?”

“Some.  I mean, we’re a full service landscaping unit and all.”

Carol looked out the yard, envisioning flowering trees, blooming bushes, bright colorful flowers lining the walkway.  “Would you… I mean, could you come with me? Maybe?  Couldn’t tell you when the last time I’ve been to a garden center.  I wouldn’t even know where to begin.”

Daryl agreed to meet with her one evening that week at the center.  Before turning to leave, he was hit with a sudden urge.  “Rick, he said he goes out to the paintball course with his son.  Escape reality, or some such shit.  When’s the last time you did something like that?  For fun?  Forget about the shit around you?”

“Um, never?”

“That’s sad.”

Carol nodded, but smirked.  “I don’t know a thing about paintball guns, but… I could use an escape from reality.”

He nodded as he backed away, “Let’s make it happen then.”  He gave her a shy half smile, and a flash of his hand as he walked back to his truck.  Blushing to his core, and shaking his head at himself.  What had he just done, he wondered to himself.

Carol stood in the doorway of her home watching him as he left, smiling to herself.  She stifled a giggle.  Paintball?  Really?  Ridiculous!  But sounding more and more like just the right kind of fun she needed.  A break from reality, hm.  Rick and Daryl were certainly on to something there.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stick around, we got Merle in the next chapter! 
> 
> Thanks for the kudos, I appreciate each and every one of them. Feel free to drop a comment too, it inspires more creativity. I know the story summary is leaning towards Rickyl, as a hardcore Caryl shipper, it's inching that way. I can't help it, I love those two! But I love Rick too. So... we'll figure something out. :) Paintball is coming up, but then we need to get the trio together again. What do you think, family camping trip? Bring Daryl and Jasper to the beach for the first time? I'm open to suggestions! :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The grief support meeting makes a plan to go out and have some fun. Carol decides it's time to change her life for the better. She goes shopping with Daryl and Jasper. And Merle, the oh-so-supportive (sarcasm) older brother gives Daryl a hard time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've only gone over this a couple times, not the usual half dozen (plus) that I usually do. Busy day ahead, and wanted to get this posted and out of my mind. Please forgive any errors from rushed editing.

“Carol, I looked over these statements you dropped off.  I need you to go through everything in your house.  I mean everything.  Anywhere you think Ed may have tucked stuff away.  Attic, crawl space, check for loose trim boards, he could have hid things behind them.  Behind the medicine cabinet, underside of drawers… his probate stuff is not as cut and dry as we thought.  No argument on the will, just… there’s more money floating around out there in his name than we thought.  Send in the most recent copies of every statement you can find, and we’ll go from there.  Good luck, honey.  I’ll talk to you soon.”

That was the message Carol came back to after her venture out running errands that morning.  She had dropped off some of what she had found with Andrea Harrison, her lawyer.  Ed had money stashed away, and a lot of it if there was any truth to the statements.  From what she found, there was enough to pay off the mortgage and cover 4 years of tuition for a private college or university for Sophia.  And maybe even spring for a new car, thought Carol to herself.  This was exciting!  So she set to it, and even set Sophia in motion too, treating it like a scavenger hunt and offering to take her out for mother daughter mani/pedi date if she helped out.

Sophia grumbled at first, typical teenager that can’t be bothered, but after she turned over three bureau drawers and found a pack of twenties, a key, and a stock certificate, it was game on.  They left no stone unturned.  Moving from room to room, they looked behind the paintings and picture frames on the walls.  Turned over the living room furniture looking beneath the chairs and tables.  Closets were emptied, pockets were pilfered, even the inside of the toilet tanks were checked out.  Andrea was right, Carol even found money tucked behind a few loose trim boards in the doorway of the bathroom, of all places.  Tucked into the rafters, more stock certificates.  Some savings bonds were discovered taped to the underside of the kitchen table.  And when Carol pulled the mattress off the box spring, she found a wealth of pornographic magazines, and several more packs of cash.  My gosh, she thought, Ed was some kind of closet hoarder.  Where did all this money come from?

“Sophia?” called Carol, she was sitting on the floor in her bedroom going through Ed’s shoes when Sophia found her.  “Soph, this is ridiculous.  We’ve turned this house completely upside down.  I’ve got my meeting to get to, but this... “ she gestured to the disaster that was her bedroom, “This can’t be normal, can it?”

“Really, mom?  You’re asking me?  Of course this isn’t normal.  Do you think every housewife is forced to give up their schooling or career because their husband insists?  Dad was a jerk.  I’m glad he’s gone.”

Carol stared at her daughter standing before her with a hand on her hip, and an annoyed look on her face.  Looking down to see her hand stuffed inside her dead husband’s shoe, she realized Sophia was right.  She knew all along that Ed was an ass, but how had she ever come to the realization or thought that it was… normal?

“You need to get out more.  Come on, go take your shower, and let’s go.”  Sophia turned on her foot and left the room.

“Why do I have all his things?  What am I saving this for?” she muttered to herself.  She piled the stacks of money found into a brown paper bag, the stock certificates into a manila folder along additional statements for other investment and accounts.  Andrea was going to be a busy lady, Carol groaned inwardly at the thought of what her bill would be, but then smiled when she realized it didn’t matter given the load of cash she had sitting in the bag.  Financially, she was going to be okay.  Now she just had to go about getting herself strong and stable again.

 

* * *

 

“Glad to see you came back,” Rick patted Daryl on the shoulder as he passed him, grabbing a chair and moving it to start making the circle of chairs.

“It’s an hour, gets me outta the house,” he grumbled.  Merle had given him a hard time again after he and Jasper arrived home.  He supposedly had a date that night, and was understandably tired of having to play babysitter to Jasper all the time.  “Just tonight,” Daryl had promised him, “after this I’ll get someone else to watch ‘im.  I’m tryin’ here, man.  Doing what you told me to do for fuck’s sake.”  It had left him in a bit of a foul mood, which he had hoped to shrug off.

“I talked to Carol, she was gushing about the yard.  Said you both are going to the garden center?”

Daryl flushed slightly, “She asked.  I told her about paintball too, she said she’s in, ready for a break.”

“Really?”

Daryl shrugged, “She don’t know a thing about paintball, but seemed eager to give it a go.  Who doesn’t like shooting stuff?”

Rick tapped his nose, “Damn straight, it can be a cathartic experience.”

“Should put up pictures of her husband, she could use ‘em for target practice.  No disrespect to the dead or anything, but-”

“The man was an asshole.  He doesn’t deserve an iota of respect,” Rick bristled.  “Keeping her in the dark about everything? That’s just cruel, and she’s left to pick up the pieces on her own.”

“Then all the better for her that he’s not here anymore, she’s free of his control.”

“Speaking of…” Rick pointed, Carol had arrived.  She was glowing.  She smiled widely at the two of them, even went so far as pulling up a chair between the two.  

“Look at you!” Rick grinned, “I don’t think I’ve seen you so happy!”

“Oh please, give me 10 minutes and I’ll be crying,” she giggled.  “My emotions are all over the place.  I just… I’m grateful, you both helped me out in more ways than you know.  This,” she gestured to her face, “is thanks to a better sense of stability.  I’m still a hot mess, I know it.  But… I’m breathing a little free-er, know what I mean?”  She looked between the two, and found them both nodding.  

“Daryl says you’re up for some paintball?”

She nodded, eyes twinkling with excitement.

“Somebody say paintball?” asked Tyreese, the bear of a man appearing next to Rick in his trademark beanie. “I don’t mean to interrupt, but my buddy has a paintball place couple towns over.  Great place to go blow off some steam.”

“I concur,” came Sasha’s soft voice.  “Bob and I used to go there often.  Discounts on group rates, they do lessons, even have a course you can run against another team.  Like “Capture the Flag.”

“We should all go.  Maybe instead of a meeting, we just go shoot stuff.  Have some fun.  Live a little?” offered Rick.

“I think that’s a great idea!” Carol was all in.

“What’s the great idea,” asked Morgan, appearing nearby.

“Paintball,” Rick said.  “Group event.  Escape reality.  Take a break from grieving, and stress, and… LIVE.”

Morgan nodded as Rick spoke, “I like it.  I do.  Life is precious, and needs to be lived and enjoyed.  When you thinking of having this all go down?”

“As soon as possible, we deserve it, right?” Rick eyed each person surrounding him, met with nods.  “Maybe next week, same time, but do paintball?”

“I’ll announce it during the welcome.  It’s a bit unorthodox, but your enthusiasm is infectious.  This could benefit you all.”

The rest of the grief support meeting went rather positively.  Carol shared her progresses, thanking both Rick and Daryl for their support and assistance.  Daryl opted out of sharing, but simply stated that his week was the first “mostly positive” one he had in quite awhile.  Rick commented on Carl’s continued improvement in school, lamenting on the upcoming anniversary of Lori’s death and his daughter’s first birthday.  At the end of the meeting, Morgan reminded them of where they would be next week, offering everyone his personal cell phone number in the event he was truly needed.  Everyone left with a smile on their face, eager for the next “meeting.”

Carol, Rick, and Daryl walked together across the street to the park afterward to collect their children.  “Daddy!” cheered Jasper running straight to Daryl.  Rick pulled Judith up into his arms, and gave Carl a side hug.  Carol wrapped an arm around Sophia’s waist kissing her on the head.  

“Good meetin’?” asked Merle, sensing the positivity.  

Daryl nodded, “Guys, this is my brother, Merle.  Resident hard ass, ‘scuse my french.  Merle, this is Carol and Rick.”

Rick and Carol greeted Merle, their eyes running back to the little boy in Daryl’s arms.  “And who might this cutie pie be?” asked Carol.

“My name is Jasper Dixon, who are you?”

“That’s my mom, Jazz,” Sophia spoke up.

“Hi ‘phia’s mom!”  He grinned at Carol, lips turning up matching Daryl’s half smirk.

“Has anybody told you that you have the most beautiful eyes--”

“on God’s green earth.  Merle says I be a chick magnet when I grow up!”

The group burst out in laughter, Jasper plucked Daryl’s sunglasses and put them on his own face smiling wide at them all.

“My gosh, Daryl… he’s so much like you!”

“What?” asked Merle, “He’s the color of chocolate milk.  Daryl here has an ass as white as the moon-”

“Nobody wants to hear about my ass.  Jazz is mine, you’re just jealous you don’t got one of yer own.”

“Bullshit!” Merle frowned at him.  “I already got two kids to take care of.  You, and that sweet boy right there.  Fuck that shit, I don’t NEED none of my own.  What you and your Nubian Queen made is plenty good enough to satisfy any urges that I sure as shit don’t have.”

At the mention of Michonne, Daryl’s eyes darkened.  It wasn’t that he didn’t want to think of her, it was more that he could only handle it when he was ready to or feeling strong enough.  It had been a good week for him.  He had gotten a genuine appreciation out of helping out Carol, and interacting with her and Rick.  But his heart, it was still raw.  All he had left of her was Jasper.  He’d never hold her hand again, hear the sound of her voice, or feel her full lips against his.  It made his heart ache in such a way that his breath caught in his throat, and he had to bite his tongue to keep the emotions at bay.  The last thing he needed was to unleash an emotional outburst in front of Jasper.

“I love that boy, you know it,” Merle was quick to add, seeing the way Daryl practically folded in on himself.  “Alright, little fella’s got a bedtime.  Pleasure meeting you folks, I’m sure we’ll see y’all again sometime soon.  Off we go!” He shoved Daryl in the direction of the truck.  It was a silent ride home, Daryl lost in thought staring out the window.

“Is this where you start talking about shit like yer feelin’s, and need somebody to hold yer hand?”

“Fuck you, Merle.”

“What? I don’t know how that crap works.  All I know is you been fucked up since the accident, when you gonna be back bein’ you again?”

“What the hell, dude?  You think it’s like some fucking light switch?  Just flip the grief on and off at will?  Ain’t like that.  I had a life.  I had a woman.  I had a family.  It’s all gone now.”

“Ain’t gone.  You got Jazzy, you got me.  What, we’re not family?  Not good enough for you or something?”

“Mom died.  We had Dad.  Look how fucking awesome we turned out.  You, the druggie.  And me… well, whatever the fuck I am.  We ain’t normal.  Fucking history repeatin’ itself or some shit.  How am I supposed to give Jazz any kind of life, one that he deserves when he only got one parent.”

Merle stepped firmly on the brake and swerved to the side of the road and into the parking lot of an abandoned building.

“Do I really need to do this?  Do I need to drag you outta this truck and beat some fuckin’ sense into you, boy?  You ain’t, Dad.  Jazzy here ain’t destined to be a piece o’ shit Dixon like me, or Dad.  Why?  Cuz you ain’t nothing like our old man.  Mm-mm, no.  Think he gave two shits about us growing up?  Got the scars to prove only thing he wanted was to hurt us.  Would you ever beat your boy because he spilled his milk? Or broke a glass? If he tripped over his own shoelaces?”

“No,” Daryl mumbled.

“You tell him he’s a good boy when he bein’ good?  You tell him you love him?  You hold him when he needs his Daddy?  You hug him like you mean it?”

Daryl nodded, unable to meet Merle’s eyes, just chewing on the side of his thumbnail.  

“Then you ain’t got nothing to worry about.  That boy thinks you hung the moon, the stars.  As long as you worry, and fuss and love over him, then y’all will turn out just fine.  Buck up.  You may be the sweet one, but goddamn… That boy needs some kinda steady normal. Whatever the fuck that is.  Roll yer ass outta bed every day and do something.  I know it ain’t easy, but… shit, you need to do it for that boy.  Keep ‘im smilin’.”

Daryl looked back to see Jasper had fallen asleep in his car seat, gentle smile graced his lips.  

“Keep going to these meetin’s, y’all came out with smiles on yer faces and I think that’s the first time I heard you laugh… like honest to God laugh, in months.  You ain’t no jokester, I know that, but… just keep going.”

“You gonna watch Jazz next week, or give me a line of shit.”

“Dammit boy, you know I’ll watch ‘im.”

“Good.  Y’all can stay home though, we’re going to get our paintball on.”

“Paintball?  You an’ that church mouse, and Mr Stick Up His Ass goin’ to shoot some paintball?”

“They’re good people, asshole.  Just gonna go blow off some steam with ‘em.”

“Blow something, that’s for sure.  Hell, that’d help you.  Little BJ, little unh-unh wouldn’t hurt none.”

“You dirty fucker, just drive me home.”

“Whatever…”

Daryl huffed a silent laugh, shaking his head. Merle was a world class douche bag who thought sex was the answer to everything, but Daryl had never doubted his love for Jazz.  He really meant well, just lacked the je ne sais quoi to get across to people in a more appropriate manner.  Rude and crude, but a fierce love like no other.

 

* * *

 

Carol and Sophia returned home to the darkened house.  She sat in the car in the driveway, looking at the windows free of their covering.  The paint on the door was peeling and faded.  The flower beds, now free of weeds and whatnot were empty of blossoms, just a few small perennial bushes thin and tired looking.  The shed out back, showed it’s age.  Missing pieces of roofing, and leaning a bit precariously to the side in it’s old and weakened state.

“What is it, mama?” asked Sophia.

“Just thinkin’,” answered Carol.  “This is OUR house.  It’s not Ed’s anymore.  It’s ours.  We need to make it ours.  I mean… why do we have all his things in there?  Why do we have his stupid recliner in the den, we never sit in it.  It’s… poison, is what it is.  We have money now, we deserve a fresh start.”

Sophia hummed in agreement.

“What do you say, Soph?  Let’s sell all Ed’s… shit.  Let’s have a giant yard sale, sell everything in the house!  We could use the money to buy new furniture that WE like.  Let’s get rid of it ALL!  Dishes, pots, pans, furniture.  Let’s repaint the whole house, inside and out.  A painting party!  We could all paint!  It would go so much faster!  It would be like a whole new place!”

Carol’s eyes grew wide, and she looked over to see Sophia with a half smirk marveling at the change in her mother.

“I don’t think I’ve seen you this excited… I don’t think I’ve ever seen you excited at all.  Are you serious?  Like all new everything?  I could paint my walls pink instead of that shitty blue?”

“Sophia!  LANGUAGE!”

“Sorry mom, but really?”

“We start tomorrow! I’m going with Daryl to the garden center, we’re going to freshen up those beds.  Then this weekend, the yard sale is ON!”

With vigor in her step, Carol marched herself up to her front door.  This is my house now, dammit.  Time to lay claim to it, she smiled to herself.

 

* * *

 

“Miss Carol, where is ‘phia?” asked Jasper, as he walked next to her, his hand held fast by Daryl’s.

“She didn’t want to come, she’s busy at home getting stuff ready for a yard sale we’re havin’ this weekend.”

“What’s a yard sale?”

“It’s when you sell things you don’t want or need anymore, and either save that money for something special, or use it to buy things you really need.”

“What you need, Miss Carol?”

“A fresh start,” she smiled down at him, giving his shoulder a squeeze.  “Sophia and I are starting over.”  Carol looked up at Daryl and saw the question on his face.

“Ed’s things.  I don’t know why I still have them.  But we decided we’re getting rid of everything.  Furniture, send his clothes to goodwill, but sell everything else.  Buy new, or gently used.  Repaint the place.  Make it mine.  Does that seem silly?”

Daryl shook his head. “Mm-mm, no.  You got the right idea.  Don’t let his memory spoil the place.  You could always unload it, move some place else.”

Carol nodded thoughtfully, “We’re close to paying off the mortgage.  Sophia likes her school, I’ll stick with it for now.  I want to knock down that outbuilding, maybe put up a few fruit trees?  Hey, do you know any good painters?  Do you paint?  And Rick?  I’m thinking if I got enough people, that whole house could be painted in a day.”

“I paint, Miss Carol!”

“I’m sure you do Jasper Dixon, but this is a bit different than finger painting though.”  

Daryl pulled Jazz up in his arms as they walked the aisle of potted plants and flowers.  “Sounds like you’re making some major changes.  I’m game.  Got a work buddy, Martinez.  He’s got a few day laborers he knows that are always looking to make some cash, if you’re willing to pay a little?”

“Might need some muscle to move stuff for the yard sale, think they could help?”

“Yep, but I’ll be needin’ to get these plants in the ground.  Weekend is free, I could get ‘em planted, and I’ll get Merle over too to help move that furniture.  What if stuff don’t sell, what will you do with it?”

“I hadn’t thought of that… dumpster?  Call someone to haul it away?  I don’t want that junk back in my house.”  Her face fell into a frown thinking of it, poison.

“I like your spirit.  I’ll get Merle on it.  Just ignore every other word the man says, he ain’t got no tact.  Come on, let's get you some plants.”

Two hours later, with Jasper asleep on Daryl’s shoulder, they loaded up Daryl’s truck with Carol’s purchases.  She selected peach, apple, and pear trees, a butterfly bush, azaleas, hydrangeas, and a few flats of various flowering annuals.  Daryl got her a hefty discount, his eyes nearly bulging out of his head at the sight of Carol pulling out a wad of twenties from her purse.  “Um… you might wanna put that kinda cash in the bank, use yer debit card instead.  Folks seein’ you carrying around money like that… ain’t safe,” he whispered into her ear.

“It was all Ed,” she explained quietly.  “He had things tucked away.  I’m just finding this now.  It’s the only reason why I’m able to do this.”  She gestured to the plants.  “I know it’s silly, going on a spending spree like this but… I need to do this for us.  After being pressed under Ed’s thumb all these years…”

“I get it, trust me.  I do.  My dad…. let’s just say he wasn’t much different than Ed, minus the cash.  Ain’t gonna judge.  Do what’s right for you and your girl.”

“Thank you, Daryl,” she placed a hand on his forearm.  “For this, for everything.  I’m not being crazy, am I?”

“No ma’am, not at all,” he reassured her.  

She leaned in, resting her head against his shoulder a moment, before straightening up and smiling back up at him.  

“Go on, get your boy home to bed.  I’ll see Saturday!”

“Yes, ma’am.”  With a nod and a trademark half smirk, he bid her goodbye.  “See you Saturday.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's next? Yard sale, Merle will attempt to flirt with Carol, Daryl enlists Rick's assistance, and Rick struggles with how to handle the upcoming anniversary of his wife's death and his daughter's first birthday.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carol gets some strong able bodied men to help her out with emptying the house. She's reclaiming her home and making it HERS. (Go Carol!) She finds success at the yard sale, and holds her own against Merle.

Daryl to Rick: going 2 carols on saturday. yard sale. need help moving shit.  you available?

R to D:  you got it

D to R: talk of painting too. she got big plans for house

R to D: I’ll get a sitter, make a day of it

D to R:  cool    see ya then

Daryl smiled to himself.  It had been a quiet week, but a productive one.  He managed to get himself out of bed and to work every day.  He paid Jessie on time for Jasper’s daycare. He even stopped by the diner one night for dinner and managed a mostly pleasant conversation with Beth that wasn’t too overwhelming.  He still found her constant positive nature to be somewhat unnerving, unnatural.  But she was a sweet girl, and offered to take Jasper off his hands that weekend so he could help out Carol.  “It’ll be good for you to get out, staying active helps ward off depression,” she had said.  Yeah, yeah, whatever.  It was a distraction from the ache in his heart, and he needed to get his mind off things.  What better way was there than to lose himself in filling Carol’s flower beds with plants, and putting some muscle into helping her unload Ed’s garbage from her home?

At promptly 7 a.m., he was rapping a knuckle on her door when Rick pulled into the driveway.  Carol grinned at them both as she opened the door, “My two favorite men, come on in!”

She was dressed in jeans and a fitted top.  Much different than the khakis and matronly sweaters they had seen her wearing.  Her hair was done up in tousled spikes, and Daryl noticed she had painted her nails a sheer pink.  Her cheeks were glowing, and her smile was gentler, much less prim.

“I have donuts and coffee in the kitchen, help yourselves.  Bottled water, juice, etc in the fridge if you prefer that.  I’ve got everything boxed up to go outside.  Everything goes.  All the furniture. Just grab stuff and take it out.”

“Bring your muscles with you today, Daryl?” asked Rick.

“Pffft, duh.” He flexed a bicep, and grabbed two large boxes from the kitchen table and started taking things outside.  All the big furniture from the downstairs was outside within the hour.  Carol’s bedroom furniture went next, followed by Sophia’s when she finally decided to rouse herself.  Merle showed up eventually, late as usual.  “Yer boy is to blame.  You try feedin’ ‘im Cheerios when all he wants is his Lucky Charms.  Thought he was gonna bite off my finger when I told him you were out.  That boy is a damn piranha and shares your nasty morning attitude.”

“What?  Daryl is perfectly pleasant in the morning.  He hasn’t bit off my head yet,” Carol appeared from behind Daryl.

“Well good morning to you, Miss Carol,” Merle drawled.  “How are we helping out the little lady today, Daryl?”

“Don’t look at me.  This is her house, she’s in charge.”  He tapped Carol’s arm with his elbow, giving her a half smile.

“Well now, I sure do like my women in charge,” leered Merle.

“Cut that shit out, Merle.”  Daryl leaned in and spoke quietly into Merle’s ear, “Her husband was like Dad.  Give her a break and for fuck’s sake BEHAVE YOURSELF or I’ll cut off yer balls and shove them down your throat.”

“Ho ho, now…. easy there little bro.  Think I don’t know how to turn on the charm?  I’ll have her wrapped around my d- er, little finger before you know it.”

Carol stood with her arms crossed frowning at Merle.  “You’re disgusting, Merle.”

“Hey now, let’s not be so quick to judge.  I’m here.  It’s a Saturday. It’s supposed to be a day of rest, and I’m here to help you out, sugar ti- um, lips.”

“Sunday is meant to be a day of rest, as if you’re even the church-going type.  You wanna help?  I got a house that needs emptying.  When it’s empty, the paint begins.  Or you can help tear down that outbuilding around back.  I pay in coffee, and donuts.  If you prove your worth, I might even spring for lunch.”

“Just point the way, darlin’.”

Carol raised an arm pointing to the front door, Merle tipped his imaginary hat to her, and disappeared inside.  Carol let out a huge sigh of relief.

“I’m so glad you gave me a head’s up on him, because if I hadn’t know he was like that, I’d of… Just, thanks.”

“I’m sorry, I wonder how we’re even related sometimes.  He ain’t ever raised a hand to a woman before, he ain’t the violent type, he’s just a bag of hot air.  Like I said, ignore half the shit he says.”

She squeezed Daryl’s forearm, and disappeared inside to continue bringing out boxes for the sale.  Rick set up tables in the front yard that he had gotten out on loan from the local volunteer fire department.  Carol spread out her wares and tagged everything, signs were up “everything must go! No reasonable offer refused!”  Rick stuck to her side like glue, helping her to haggle with people as she was understandably a little hesitant with unknown people after having spent years with little contact with people outside her home.  Daryl kept an eye out while he and Merle tended to the flower beds.  After everything was placed, planted, and watered, they turned their attention to the shed.  Carol had done a good job emptying the place out, she had kept a few tools and things for the house, everything else boxed up for the dump.

“How are we goin’ to take this bitch down?” asked Merle.

“Chain to the rafter, give it a good tug with the truck and the fucker should just come crashin’ down.”

“Hm, good idea.  What do ya say we let lil’ mouse drive the truck, tear that sombitch down?”

Daryl scratched the back of his neck, cocking his neck from side to side, he nodded.  “Hell yeah.  Do it up.”

Merle ran the length of chain from the hitch of the truck to the timber frame above the door, and pulled the truck ahead so the chain was taught.  It was ready.

“Carol, um… shed’s ready for you to come take it down.”

“What, me? How?”

Daryl smiled at her, eyeing Rick.  “Ain’t nobody here at the moment, come on back. We rigged it up to the truck.  You’re gonna pull it over.”

“What?!? No.  No no no no no no no, me? No way! Really? Are you sure?”

Rick chuckled behind Carol, “Actually that’s not a half bad idea.  He tried to destroy you, he kept secrets hidden there.  Tell you what, I’ll even spring for the dumpster and help clean up if you drive.”

Carol eyed them both, shaking her head.  “This is… ridiculous.  Um. Okay.  I guess I’m driving a truck then.”  The guys walked her around back to where Merle was leaning against the hood smoking a cigarette.

“Hey there darlin’, I pulled the seat up nice and close.  Shouldn’t have no problem reaching the pedals.”  He opened the door, and took her hand to help her step up and into the truck.  Daryl hopped in on the passenger side.  Merle stood by the open window as Carol got herself comfortable in the seat, reaching out to the steering wheel and ensuring her feet could in fact touch the pedals.  She winced at Daryl, “You sure about this?”

“This is your chance to kick that sumbitch where the sun don’t shine.  I know, he’s not here anymore, but just… pretend like he’s standing inside that building or something.  That smug look on his face, giving you the eye, that’s yer motivation.”

She nodded, looking out through the windshield.

“Anytime now, darlin’.”  Merle grinned, “That truck suits you.  I like seeing women behind the wheel of such a strong machine.”

“Shut up, Merle,” spoke both Carol and Daryl in unison.

“Okay, here goes nothing!”  Carol clamped her eyes shut and stepped hard on the gas.  The engine revved, the tires stuttered and started to skid but slowly the truck inched forward.  She peeked out one eye toward Daryl, who was looking out the back window.  “Slow and steady, you got this woman!”

“It’s starting,” said Merle. “I can hear the wood startin’ to give.”  The groan and strain of the wood could be heard, along with the cracking which increased in intensity until the building gave and came crashing to the ground.  Carol drove ahead about twenty feet before stopping the truck, looking behind, and cheering at the sight of the now flattened building.  “Wooohooo!!!!”

Daryl chuckled, “Felt great, didn’t it?”

She giggled with a hand over her mouth, her eyes shining with happy tears.  “Oh my god, Daryl!” She shoved his arm with her free hand.  “That felt… AMAZING!”

Just then, Daryl noticed the song that was playing on the radio, so he jacked the volume,

“We know you like to party

We know you like to throw it down

So go tell everybody

Let's get them all around

We're gonna tear it up

And burn it down”

“That’s it!  We gotta burn it down!  Let’s burn it down, Daryl!”

 

* * *

 

 

“Rick’s the law, we really oughtta run it by him first, don’t ya think?”

“What?  No way, man.  Ain’t like we are burnin’ down houses.  Just settin’ fire to a big ole pile of wood.”

“I think there’s a can of lighter fluid somewhere…  Oh!  Here!   Daryl, give me your lighter!”

“WHOA, NELLY! Easy there you lil’ pyromaniac!  Don’t want to go light ourselves on fire now too, ya know,” Merle snatched the lighter fluid from Carol and wiped his brow in relief.  “I thought you was Miss Sensible, ain’t often I’m the smart one!”

“You’re never the smart one, Merle.  Remember that time-”

“Shut yer trap, boy.” Merle’s face flushed at whatever horrifically embarrassing memory that Daryl was about to spill.  And there were many.

“Are you blushing, Merle?” Carol poked Merle gently in the side which elicited a yelp and full body jerking side step away from her.  “Ooooooh, and you’re ticklish too?”  She couldn’t resist, and gave him another poke.  Each step he made away from her was as awkward as the day is long, and he finally took off at a run leaving both Carol and Daryl in full belly laugh mode.

“I thought your brother was so gruff and tough,” giggled Carol.

“He thought you were a quiet little church mouse, I think you scared him with your sudden need to commit arson.”

“Hey now, it’s not arson if it’s a pile of wood, that I own. Is it?” Suddenly worried that her wish to destroy all things Ed might somehow backfire and create more problems than it was worth.

“Nah, but like I said, let’s run this by Rick.  Where the hell is he anyway?”

They walked around the front of the house to find Rick haggling with a young couple.

“Look, this furniture is damn near like new condition.  It was taken very well care of, we aren’t asking full retail value here, but let’s be reasonable.  You won’t find a better deal elsewhere.”

“I don’t know hon’...”

“You heard the man, it’s a good deal.  And there’s no scratches, nicks, or stains.  This would furnish most of the apartment…”  The woman was rubbing over her plump belly, she was pregnant.

“It’s clean. No bugs, perfectly safe for that baby you got on the way,” argued Rick.

The man rubbed his chin thinking it over as Carol walked up behind Rick.  She bumped him gently with her elbow to let him know she was there, “Anything I can help you with, Rick?”

“I’m sorry, this is your gig.  These nice people right here have their first child on the way, new residence, and they’re in need of damn near everything.  Furniture, they’ve been eyeing that baby gear over there.  Not so much the dishware, but the pots and pans caught their eye too.”  Carol nodded, if they took all the things they “needed,” that would clear out almost all that was left.

“Make me an offer.”

“Excuse me?” asked the pregnant lady.

“All this, everything you see here that you think you might need.  Make me an offer.  Sign up there says no reasonable offer refused, and honestly I just want to see it all go.”

“Okay… give us a sec.”

“Take your time!” Carol smiled widely at them, and turning to Rick saw his face fall into a frown.  “Oh stop, Rick.  It’s not about getting top dollar.  You mean well, but you’re a terrible salesman.  I just want this stuff GONE so I can start my life over.”

“But-”

“No buts!  You forget about those coffee cans?  Replacing all this won’t even put a dent on one of them.  If you want to help out so badly, then help me paint the house.  Help me move in and set up the new stuff.  Maybe let us borrow your truck?  I’ll bake you cookies?”

“Oh you drive a hard bargain,” he slung his arm over Carol’s shoulder, pulling her in for a kiss on top of her head. “You don’t even have to ask, you want the truck, take it.  But you know I’d be happier if you’d let me help.”

“You’re a good man, Sheriff Grimes!”

“Deputy Sheriff.”

“Stop,” she ordered. “Just be gracious and take the compliment.”

She felt the vibrations through his chest as he chuckled.  Running her arm around his waist and resting it on his hip as they waited for the young couple to finish discussing their purchase felt so natural in that moment.  And nice.  And warm. And comforting.  She had always been an affectionate child growing up, but that had been all but squashed after things went downhill with Ed.  Simple human touch, from a person who meant her no harm.  She felt herself starting to get emotional realizing just how deprived she had been all these years.  A sniffle escaped her before she could stop it, and tears betrayed her and rolled down her cheeks.  Daryl, who was standing nearby waiting for them to finish with the couple, reached into his back pocket and pulled out a clean red rag, and handed it to her.  

She passed him a grateful tear filled smile, and tried to laugh at herself, “Sorry!  I don’t know what just came over me.”  She dabbed at her eyes, and wiped her cheeks, and then there was Merle handing her a bottle of water with a rather unsure look on his face.  “Thank you, Merle.”

“Do I need knock out somebody’s teeth for those tears?”

Carol huffed a laugh, “No, Merle.  He’s dead.  Just got a little emotional is all.”

“My pansy ass brother gets that way too sometimes, no worries.”

Daryl punched Merle square in the arm for that remark.

“OW!  Dammit, how old are you?  Seriously?  You’re a parent, shouldn’t you be responsible and ya know… NOT violent?”

“I think we made a decision,” all eyes fell to the couple.  Carol stepped forward so they would speak to her directly, she liked that little bit of control, after all these were Ed’s- no, HER things that she was parting with.  This was her deal.  They made her a decent offer, which she accepted and insisted on having “her boys” help move all the items to their apartment.  When they handed over the cash, she looked them each in the eye, “Be good to each other.  Be kind to each other, and above all be respectful to each other.  That baby is life’s most precious gift.  But it changes people, babies do.  There will be nights where you have nothing but curses for the other, long sleepless nights.  But those will pass, and there will be joys for every sorrow.  Just remember the love you have for each other.  Babies are not easy, but they are a blessing in so many ways.  I wish you both the best of luck.  And don’t let these fellas give you a hard time, they’ll help you get it all moved in.”  With profuse thank you’s, the couple got into their tiny little hatchback car and left.  Carol turned to the three men, and grinned.  

“Fellas.  Who would be like to be my special helper?”

 

* * *

 

“Miss Carol,” Merle stepped forward taking both her hands in his own, and pulling one up to his lips.  He kissed her knuckles, and lowered the hand back down. “It has been an absolute pleasure helping you out today.  If ever you want to have a little one on one time with a real man, and not one o’ them jokesters there,” gesturing to Rick and Daryl, “Well, you just give ole Merle a a call.”  He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek before heading over to his truck, having completed his tasks for the night.

They had just returned from moving furniture and things to the young couple’s apartment.  All three men had been eager in their endeavor to be Carol’s “special helper,” which ultimately fell to Daryl putting him in charge of the other two in moving things out to their new location.  Carol waved to Merle as he pulled out of the driveway and departed.  It was now dusk, and Daryl and Rick sat on the front steps drinking a beer each.

“Well, I’d make you both a batch of cookies, but… I sold all my bakeware.  Give me a few days?”

“It’s fine, Carol.  I was just talking with Daryl about the burn.  Just get yourself down to the down hall this week, get a burn permit.  It’s a sizable pile though…”

“Why not treat it like a campout, then?  One heck of a campfire, but the thought of smores over the burning remains of… well, you get the idea.”

“I kinda like that idea.”

“I got a few tents, we can set them up over there,” Dary offered.

“Or just set your sleeping bags up in the living room?  All the enjoyment of fresh air, and campfires, but with the comforts of home?  All the kids would be safe inside away from the flames, and we could have adult time outside.  Couldn’t tell you the last time I did anything for fun, with friends…”

Rick and Daryl eyed each other, and nodded.  “If the rooms are empty, we could spend the day painting, relax by the fire at night.”

“I’ll just tell Dale to keep my schedule open next weekend.  Could get you some rabbits, have a proper cook out?”

“Rabbits?” asked Rick, “Isn’t that... “

“Delicious? Yes, they are.  Bit like chicken, but healthier,” Daryl insisted.

“I’m all for trying out new things, this is going to be great!”

Carol was looking forward to the week ahead.  There was Paintball to look forward to, and then a full weekend of giving the house a much needed makeover inside.  Plans were made for the kids to be babysat, and Rick offered to carpool with Daryl and Carol for Paintball.  Daryl bid them both goodbye, and left, leaving Rick lingering in the yard.

“Need the truck tomorrow?” he asked.

Carol scrunched her nose, and shook her head.  “No, I think we’re just going to go pick out paint colors tomorrow.  We can survive the week sleeping on our mattresses on the floor.  And eating our meals… on the floor too I guess.  I want to get the walls painted first before I bring in any new furniture.”

“Got our work cut out for us then.  Alright, well… if you change your mind…” Rick ran a hand over the back of his neck.

“Rick,” questioned Carol.  “Are you okay?”  She had the odd sense that perhaps he didn’t want to leave.  That he didn’t want to go home.

“Mm-hm,” he nodded.

“Ok, but I can’t say that I believe you.”

Rick hung his head pinching the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes.  “I will be.  Just... “

“Just what?” she pressed.   He shrugged.

“Even ten months after… still sneaks up on me and feels like I’ve taken a bat to the stomach.”

“Lori?” she asked.

He nodded, giving her a look with wet eyes.  “Judy is going to be 1 soon.  It’s supposed to be a huge milestone, but then I got this huge... “ he drew in a long shaky breath, “loss.  I just… I’m trying to be excited for my daughter, and I can’t even bring myself to think about giving her the party she deserves because I’m too caught up in myself.”

“Rick,” Carol shook her head.  “She’ll be 1.  She’s not even going to remember the party!  I’m not discounting it by any means, just… spend the day with her.  Or not.  Take the day for yourself, go cry, scream, grieve, do what you have to do.  Then you go home, and hug your baby girl and love on her.  You can celebrate on another day.  You’ll make new happy memories and someday… her birthday won’t bring you such sadness.”

“Maybe…”

“Can I run something by you?  Don’t give me an answer yet.  I want you to think about it first.”

“Okay.”

“Backstory.  Sophia never got to have a birthday party.  Ed never allowed it.  I had such plans in my mind for celebrating her first birthday, and… it broke my heart when Ed said No.  He said no every year.  If you’re feeling too overwhelmed to put together a little party for Judith, but still want to celebrate her… Could I plan a little something for her?  I never got to for my own daughter, I’d love to do it for yours.  If you would let me.”

Rick breathed deep before putting both hands on Carol’s face.  “You are… the sweetest.  Thank you.”  He pulled her in for a hug, the kind where you both have your arms fully wrapped around each other tightly, rocking back and forth on your feet, faces stuffed into each other’s shoulders.

When he pulled back, Carol was smiling up at him.  “If you’re not busy tomorrow, and need a friend.  I’ve got a bunch of stuff that can go to donation.  And maybe I’ll be up for looking at a new kitchen table set.  I’m not sure how I feel about sitting on the floor to eat all week.”

“I’d like that.  Thank you, Carol.  I’ll give you a call, should probably get going home to the kids.”  He kissed her on the top of her head, and waved to her as he walked to his truck to go home.  She waved as he pulled out of the driveway and drove away.  Smiling to herself, she walked back inside her home.  Eyeing the walls, and relishing the feeling of power she had over them.  These were her walls now, she was free to do with as she wished.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to be evil and put this story on a small short hiatus. And by that, I mean maybe just a few weeks at most. I have several other stories that need some love -- some of which I haven't touched in over a month. Yikes! That bothers me, and I'm finding it difficult to juggle more than two stories at once. I go where the muse takes me, but I think I need to kidnap it, all kicking and screaming and finish up my other WIP's.
> 
> As you probably know, I also don't have a beta. So please forgive the errors you see, I do usually check over the story several times before posting, but I think that takes away from my time playing with my other works. If any of you know (or are) a good beta, let me know! It will only serve to make my stories better (and more enjoyable for the reader! Win win!)
> 
> Next chapter will probably skip ahead to paintball night. Time to let our trio loosen up and have some fun! Stick around, I'll try not to make the wait too long for you. :)

**Author's Note:**

> We start of kind of dark, but I promise, there will be happy stuff to come! :)


End file.
